Having been through 18 months of intense counselling which started out as one type of investigation but quickly materialised into the study of a narcissist mother, I whole heartedly agree with each and every section of Dr Perry’s explanation here.
While still an interesting read to someone without a parent like this, for any who have experienced all that he describes first hand (or still does) these words should help enlighten and educate.
I back him up with the suggestion that professional help is needed. Without it, I’d still be the people pleaser I grew up to be, I’d still be feeling responsible for her happiness because she’s spent years telling me I’ve ‘ignored’ her since being married, I’d still be fearfully making excuses to her when my farming husband cannot make a family meal (because she’s always taken it personally, when in fact the weather dictates the farming calendar and I was too scared to stand up for him so instead inadvertently fed her need to believe I was in a controlling marriage).
I don’t tend, these days, to brood on this too much because I have a newly discovered self-esteem to nurture and a self belief and goals I wish to pursue.
But sometimes. Just sometimes, I’ll read about the condition to remind myself that I will never be able to ‘help’ her in the traditional sense because she has no empathy for anyone around her. She is THE most selfish person I’ve ever met.
Thanks, as someone with a mother whom I suspect to have NPD, I’ll take a look at what Dr Perry has to say. So often the response to difficulties in family relationships is to sit down with that person and talk, open communications and explain how you feel. Only if someone has narcissistic personality disorder, you cannot do that; they’re tone deaf to any hurt feelings or emotional needs but their own. The only way is to find a strategy to deal with them so it doesn’t get to you. And after all these years, still haven’t managed that.
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EXACTLY. Wot u said.
We totally understand each other … and while there have been interim years in which the results of those mothers’ treatment has meant we may not have been fully fulfilled… we’re gonna do something about it.
Aren’t we?
You’re coming with me on this writing journey .. (please bring your beautiful wife too as she gets you too) … and you are gonna do one thing for me this week (it’s ok … Stephen tells me its actually better to type as we speak so don’t correct my ‘gonna’ to ‘going to’) and that is:
I’d like you to write a piece of about 400 words linked to nothing that’s gone before.
Instead your prompt is ‘any site you see during this weekend’.
In return I promise you I will type 1000 words on my manuscript 🌸
You don’t HAVE to accept this challenge, but as one aspiring author to another, I suspect you may be faintly intrigued to see what happens. Keep King’s free approach in mind.
We all want to see what Mike2all will write 🥂☺️
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Interesting how this happens. Feeling the need for recognition has been the gift that was passed down to me. It was only my breakdown that allowed me to rebuild and discard those things that were damaging the engine. That to one side, the creative response to inner turmoil is a decent outcome…
Mike
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Oh it is Mike … such a multi-layered experience with positives if we choose to embrace them 🌸
Have a great sunny weekend 🤗
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Enjoy my Peter Gabriel present…
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