Ramblings, daft and humourous, dark and sad, but hopefully mostly happy
They’ve gone, they’ve gone!
The relatives have finally departed; early by some standards perhaps, but my now evident virus has gripped its spiky fingers around my tonsils and filled my skull with cotton wool, so I am grateful to be lying on the sofa listening to the air drawing through the woodburner like some distant train.
THEY were here to celebrate our son’s 18th birthday. (How did that happen?) I did not spend all day slaving over a hot stove, or making him a cake. We enjoyed a chinese takeaway which is his favourite, so who am I to argue? We had a conveyor belt of hands passing the rice and noodles! Gone are the days when he blows the candles out on a cake and we sing him happy birthday (actually, why didn’t you buy him one, he would have loved that as would his young cousins). Anyway mother would sing way too loudly trying to show off her operatic past 😖.
It meant I could spend today half working, half reading, half hoovering, half ignoring the ironing and half studying the Writers’ & Artists’ Yearbook 2018 for short story competitions because I haven’t forgotten my promise to you my lovelies 😊 (PS – I never was very good at maths).
The arrival of my parents usually sparks different behaviour from within. For some months now I have been practicing overriding the instinctive patterns of feelings I lived with whenever they were due to arrive. I would become so tense and anxious that I would snap and argue with anyone who dared come into my view, let alone sneak a sausage roll from a carefully laid out buffet.
I’ve learnt about the Amygdala. The area of our brain which apparently stores ‘body’ or implicit memories (as opposed to explicit memories; those garnered by us from the age of three or four onwards and which we recall often by a vision). Body memories are those instinctively adopted by babies and toddlers in reaction to our environment, those closest to us at the time, and particularly inspired from smells, sounds, sights etc and we learn by association because we do not have rational thinking at that age so cannot make a decision to avoid a situation which causes us trauma. I dislike the sound of soprano singing and have done for as long as I can remember.
The Amygdala is our ‘security guard’ and is permanently on the look out for danger (bless) but has no rational thinking (oh great 🙄). If we have grown up in an anxiety-provoking situation, this part of our brain becomes so used to being active preparing us for fight/flight, it becomes hypersensitive. Amazing isn’t it, the subjects we have covered in my counselling sessions, but I can honestly recommend it to anyone who has thought about asking for help with anxiety or any form of depression, to go ahead and do so because gaining even a little scientific knowledge about how and why we work gives us – or has me – a calming comprehension of others as well as ourselves.
I’ve missed you lot today. I was thinking about many of you, I wanted to reassure lovenlosses and Mike2all that I was down with the virus people, as opposed to anything more sinister. Oh and one of my lovely new followers takes the most stunning photos of nature … have you seen? You must MUST check his site out. I could just stare at each photo and disappear into it.. Pugwash!! (Great name Captn).
Anyway, strepsils and warm milk, then bed. Guess what? I’ve entered a 150 word comp… and a 16 word one! That was actually ridiculously hard to do, but I’ve started a ring binder with entry confirmations and everything and I am feeling all organised 💃🏼.
What I need now is sleep … ooh, did you see the moon tonight (only relevant presumably if you are UK-based 🙈🤣).
My attic window….. spooky!